Dear Beloved of God,
You have some good questions…I’m not sure I can give you an answer that will explain her behavior. It is very possible that she feels no guilt. There are, sadly, many people out there that use people then toss them aside without much thought, then move on to the next victim. Or, she may feel very guilty which is why she made up a story and refused to answer your calls or give any explanation. As long as she can go on without thinking or talking about it then she can continue to stuff her feelings. I’m just guessing here, but a look at how she was raised may be an indicator. Your job is to forgive her. I know that sounds wrong, but God tells us to forgive even our enemies. Not for her sake, but for yours. Friends and family will tell you that you “have a right” to be angry, and you do. But staying angry takes a lot of emotional energy and causes a lot of damage. I have found that the best way to forgive and move on with my life is to pray for the person that hurt me every time I start thinking what a raw deal I got. Pray that God will bring her to Himself and heal her of that broken part of her that would cause her to treat you so badly. Then ask God to replace your anger with true forgiveness. Not easy to do, I know! But you will be the one who wins. You have already sacrificed enough by serving your country in Iraq. Don’t sacrifice your personal peace over a person who turned out to be a false friend.

The Guilt Lady’s current topic is, forgiveness. There are many thoughts on the subject and too many “old wives tales” about forgiveness out there. So, here’s the “scoop” taken directly from my book “The Gift of Guilt; 10 Steps To Freedom From Guilt, Forever.”

Forgive your enemies. When someone has wounded us deeply, in a sense, a debt is owed. The King James Version of the Lord’s Prayer says, “…and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors….” As Christians, we know that Christ paid the debt that we owed to God for all of our sins: past, present, and future. We accept that we must continue to ask forgiveness for current sins in order to keep the path of our relationship with God cleared of obstacles. The sticky part comes when God asks us to forgive our enemies.

I want to reassure you that vengeful feelings are normal and human. Our society calls for revenge when a wrong is committed. We are told it is right. As human beings, we feel the right to revenge deep in our souls.

Forgiveness is giving up the feelings that tell you that you have the right to revenge.

We want revenge. The perpetrator owes the victim a debt, and we feel that somehow, some way, he must pay it back. We want the bad guy to go to prison, pay money, suffer a terrible life, or grovel. But God tells us to forgive our enemies. He tells us that He will take care of the revenge, and the justice. Forgiving can be a very difficult command to obey when He is asking you to forgive the man who raped you! God is not asking you to pretend that it didn’t happen. By all means, call the police! Send that man to prison! Send him to prison because such people need to pay the consequences of their crime, not because you deserve revenge for what that man did to you.

We have all heard the old saying, “Forgive and forget.” What a stupid thing to say! We never forget such things! We may stuff the memories away in an effort to protect ourselves from the horror, but we never really forget.

Forgiveness is not excusing.

Forgiveness is not making an excuse for someone’s behavior! “Oh, he didn’t mean to beat me up. He was drunk and I made him mad. He’s sorry now.” He’ll be sorry the next time, too…and the next. Don’t say that it’s all right that someone injured you either mentally or physically. It is not all right! God is asking us to give those injuries to Him, and to let Him take care of the justice that must be done. “Revenge is mine says the Lord.”

Why must you forgive this creep who has hurt you so badly? Forgiveness has nothing to do with making the creep feel better; forgiveness is entirely for your benefit.

When you are emotionally injured, you carry that wound in the form of bitterness and resentment. Resentment sits like a boulder in the pit of your stomach, growing heavier and heavier as time goes by. Other boulders are added to the pit as other hurts go un-forgiven. The burden gets larger; the resentment goes deeper, until it affects every aspect of your life. You find it hard to trust, to love fully, to feel at peace, to be satisfied with your life. You look for ways to ease the pain, often turning to drugs, alcohol, or sex as the remedy. Nothing really helps for very long. You must forgive the criminal so that you can let go of the bitterness, boulder by boulder, and live with the sense of joy that God intended for you.

You forgive so that you can mourn the loss you have suffered at the hands of someone else, and then move on, leaving the past where it belongs. True forgiveness can only happen with God’s help, so start your journey at the foot of the cross, where all forgiveness began.

The cure then, my beloved reader, starts and ends with God. He has provided all that we need to rid ourselves of both legitimate guilt and self-inflicted guilt. He alone “…is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think,…” (NASB)